Hi all

Just popping in to say hi as its been awhile since I did a written post. Still plodding on day by day - some days are great and others are not so great and pretty emotional. But its a matter of keeping on keeping on...

Work is pretty full on at the moment which means the days are flying by and the weeks sure are flying by pretty damn quickly! But of course the weekends fly by even quicker!

Rachel is growing so much and I suppose the biggest thing is that we can not get over how stubborn she can be at times! I have no idea where she gets that from *shrugs my shoulders and smiles the most innocent grin I can find* LOL In all seriousness though both Steph and I can be stubborn at times so poor Rachel has no show really! LOL

She is really enjoying sitting up these days but mainly at home as day care don't like to "encourage" them to sit up until they are ready to i.e. when they can get themselves into and out of the sitting position! And as for rolling - she is loving that too and rolls from one side of the room to the other side quite easily now (as long as she is in the mood).

Here is a photo that I took of her sitting up last weekend (on my phone hence the poor quality)


Anyway, I am gonna head to bed - yeap I know its only 8.40pm but I'm tired, grumpy and emotional so bed is the best place for me right now... catch ya all later. Have a great week everyone.

Photo Post

Hi ya

All going well in our place at the moment (touch wood) - Rachel seems to be going regularly (yay) and nice soft movements too! Still gotta keep up the lactulose syrup and the drops for another few days and then go down to once a day for another few days before being able to stop them... but once she misses a day of going we give her a dose of the lactulose to keep things moving. She is loving her pureed prunes though (as am I)! She is having them twice a week before her veggies - I just have to remember to do them the night before so they are ready for her to have when I get home.

Her cough seems to be more or less gone... just the occasional cough now which is great. She has been going down for the night about 6.45pm as she has been so tired and I was hoping that she would still sleep through till her "normal" time of between 6 and 6.30am but no such luck as yet. We have had 4.30am and 5.0am wake up calls so far! So I have had a couple of long days lately - I am not getting her up then but I don't go back to sleep as I lay there listening to her chatting away!

Ohhhhhhhhhh I must share our latest news! Over Tuesday night and Wednesday morning, Rachel achieved two milestones. The first one was on Tuesday evening when she rolled over by herself for the first time! Yay! But the sad thing is that both mummy and daddy missed it! As I was dicing the chicken for dinner and Steph was busy running a bath for her. I walked into the lounge to turn the TV on for the news and walked past her and then stopped, looked at her and was trying to work out what was different! Took me a couple of moments to work out what it was! LOL And there she was looking up at me with the biggest smile on her face! Then on Wednesday morning, when I was dropping her at Daycare, I had a couple of mins to spare before leaving her and I had been holding her and sat her down on the floor with Carson (one of the boys there) and she sat there by herself unaided for approx 30-40 secs!!! Woohoo!!! She had the biggest smile on her face when she was sitting there... well that was until she face planted it into the toy that her and Carson had been playing with and Carson just gave her this look as if to say "What the ...." so I sat her up again and she fell back down again and then all she wanted was a cuddle with Tish who is one of the most lovely carers I know! :)

Then tonight while she was laying on the floor she rolled multiple times over and over... so cute to watch!

Last night I was at the Drs for my smear and to get a new script and had an awesome chat with her about things that have been happening and how I am feeling and how things have been going for me! She has given me some brochures about Post Natal Depression which is what I had started to wonder myself. So am gonna do some reading and then probably contact one of the support groups and perhaps go to a meeting if there is a local one at a suitable time. I have been treated for depression a few years back so I know the signs etc.... Last time I was put on Prozac and then slowly weaned myself off it after a couple of months.

Anyway, that's whats been happening for me lately along with a few other bits and pieces... am plodding on day by day - some times its easy and other days its real tough! Right time to get moving - washing to hang out and bottles to prepare for tomorrow.

Oh have taken some great photos of Rachel so will try to find time over the weekend to download them and once I do that I will share them with you all.

Hi ya

Just thought I would do a quick update on Rachel before heading to bed as I am totally shattered today after a late and rough night last night.

Warning - some details of this post could be a bit graphic for some...

I ended up taking Rachel back to the Drs on Friday afternoon and after the Dr was able to physically see Rachel trying to push the motion out and finally agreed with me that there was no way that Rachel was going to be able to push this out by herself... so gave her an enema (liquid up her bottom) which was to soften the motion and then would make it easier for Rachel to push it out. Dr also gave me 2 to use on her over the weekend. Anyway, Saturday morning I gave her the 2nd enema (definitely easier said than done) and she had also had another dose of the laxative but my lunch time still no luck and the pain she was in was getting worse! So I rung our Drs (who are open on the weekends for patients) and was able to get an appt at 3pm and luckily my Dr was the one on duty too!

So back to the Drs at 3pm and the Dr was shocked that not only had the laxative not worked but nor had the 2 enemas! So the next hour was filled with Rachel's crying and screaming as the Dr "manually" dug everything out that was in her bottom! Definitely not the easiest thing for anyone in the room let alone our beautiful Rachel! But boy a lot sure came out of such a small person!!! And it was ROCK HARD!! My poor girl!!!

A rough night last night as it is still hurting Rachel to push it out but at least its coming out and fairly reguarly now! But she also has gotten her cough back that she had a week or two back! It had more or less gone a few days ago until last night.. not sure if it was perhaps from all the crying she did yesterday but it has been quite bad today! :(

Another enema this morning to keep things moving, so hopefully that will be the end of things going up her bottom for a LONG time! But the Dr did say that should we see Rachel straining at all (and that the motion is too big to push out) that we are supposed to go straight back down there!

So for the time being, Rachel is on the laxative syrup twice a day, coloxyl drops in her milk 3 times a day, prunes for dinner approx twice a week so fingers crossed all of that keeps things soft, moving and regular for my princess!

Went out to dinner last night with ladies from Antenatal and it was lovely! We had so many laughs and are planning to do it once a month and go to a different restaraunt each time!

So it's been a full on weekend but a very tiring one... so it's almost 9pm so I am off to bed now. Hope you all have a fantastic week xx

Hi all

Am still around Lyn - just been a busy wee bee... and unfortunately Rachel has not been in the best of health :( She has recovered from her cough/cold and sore ears but is now severely constipated! Today is day 7 since her last bowel motion. We have tried every "trick" in the book and ended up at the Dr's yesterday afternoon as it was really starting to get painful for her at times. Dr suggested boiled/pureed prunes and rather than giving her the juice - to actually give her the prunes themselves (pureed of course). And then if they didn't work in 24hrs to get the prescription for lactlose filled and give her a dose of that. So did the prunes for her and she adored them and demolished them very quickly!!! No luck over night... and so this morning I gave her some more prunes before day care and warned them that it could happen today... but when I rung them at 1.30pm today I got told - nope still no luck and she was really starting to cry when pushing. So I left work, picked her up and gave her the lactose syrup - its a very strong syrup so she is only on 1ml once a day (the Dr is confident it will only take 1 dose to work) Almost 5hrs later - still no movement so we really do have our fingers crossed that something will happen tonight. I am not prepared to let her go all weekend without anything happening so if no luck by lunchtime tomorrow I will be calling the Dr and chatting to her about the next step we can take which trust me is not a pleasant step!

When you see the pain in her eyes and on her face when she is trying to push it out - it is so heartbreaking and when you hear the heartbreaking sobbing/screaming in the middle of night - you just want to start crying yourself! Anyway, thats whats been happening in our house at the moment - so that's definitely our number one priority at the moment.

But apart from all of that - things are cruising along. Still doing really well with the water intake - between 1.5 - 2.5 litres a day during the week - just gotta work on the weekend intake. Food - well still not always the best of choices - some days its great and other days - well not so great! I had my first official weigh in on Tuesday with the Healthy Eating Club at work - not a good start - over the first two weeks - I recorded a gain of 800gms! And without making excuses - TOM had just arrived the day before and with that came a HUGE chocolate spurge!!! So mainly my fault - but like we all say - onwards and downwards on these scales! I have enjoyed my lunches this week - have been going 1/2's with a friend of mine to buy healthy sandwich fillings and keeping them in the fridge at work and then making our sandwiches each day.

I did manage to set up a blog just for Rachel but it is for family (and a few close friends) who live out of town around NZ and the world so that they can see her grow up. Its going to be mainly photos with the occasional paragraph thrown in. Got one wee problem and that is the comments facility - the settings are exactly the same as my one but for some reason her blog just won't allow comments! Got me totally puzzled but am still working on it when I have the time!

Anyway, better get moving, bottles etc to make up. Got a nice weekend planned with a catch up with some girlfriends on Saturday afternoon - some of whom haven't met Rachel yet so hopefully she will be up to that visit otherwise she might be staying home with Daddy. Then on Saturday night, our whole antenatal group are going out for dinner - no babies and no daddies! Just the mummies - a good chance for a catch up and a Mothers Day celebration for us celebrating our first mothers day.

Hope you are all doing well - talk soon xx

Hi ya

Just thought that while I was sitting here cruising the net that I would do a quick update to say hi :)

It's been a full on few days with Rachel not being very well. It all started in the early hours of Thursday morning when Rachel woke coughing real badly and sobbing uncontrollably... the previous two nights when she had done this, a bit of pamol and lots of cuddles have settled her down but not this particular night. As I could see things weren't getting any better, I made the decision to take her to the After Hours down in Lower Hutt so at 3.30am I am throwing trackpants and shoes on and wrapping Rachel up and driving down to Lower Hutt (in the pouring rain). The Dr saw her, and although there is nothing they can do for the cough, he discovered that Rachel also had swollen eardrums (and something else to do with the ears too) so they gave her a dose of antibiotics then and there (since I couldn't get the prescription filled until the chemists opened later) and then it was back home to bed. I fell back into bed just before 5am and as I had already decided that I would keep her home from daycare, I was hoping that the night time adventure would have tired her out and that she would sleep in... but no such luck - sure enough at 5.45am she was wide awake and chatting away to herself!

So Thursday was spent at home with her after an early morning trip to the chemist to get the prescription filled. It was nice to spend the day with Rachel and she was pretty happy overall when she was awake. So Friday, she went back to daycare and was really happy when up but spent the day catnapping for 30min periods which seems to be happening more frequently during the week at day care.

She tried the catnapping on us this morning but I wasn't going to let her do that, so when she woke and started grizzling, I just left her and sure enough, she fell asleep for another hour. So will organise a chat with her care giver and see what they can do to help her sleep for longer. I realise that they can't leave her to cry or anything like that as she is in the sleep room with other children who are sleeping. And once Rachel sees us (or the care giver) she immediately thinks its time to get up!

So all up we are having a quiet weekend this weekend to give her a chance to keep warm and let her ears get better. Though, we do want to go to Mitre 10 (and maybe Bunnings too) at some stage (so probably tomorrow) to do some heater shopping for the lounge. They both have had some good ones (wall mounted ones) advertised in their catalouges so we are keen to check them out.

We have also been busy discussing our Christmas plans for this year - yeah yeah I know it's still a way away... but really it is only 7mths to go! And as we both like the idea of heading down to Christchurch for a week or so, we are keeping an eye on when the ferry bookings open which according to the Interislander newsletter is about a month away.

We have also been keeping an eye on www.grabaseat.co.nz which is an Air NZ site with daily great rates for limited periods. There was a great fare yesterday of Auckland to Invercargill (so basically one end of NZ to the other) for $160 return!!! Now that was one amazing fare and it sold out in less than 2 hrs! So we check that each day and see what bargins are there as we may look at taking a weekend away sometime soon if we can get the right fare to one of our destinations that we would like to go to.

Anyway, I am off to bed - how sad am I - heading to bed at 9.15pm on a Saturday night! LOL Hope you are all having a good weekend. Catch ya later xx

Hi all

Wow almost another week has gone by... time sure does fly by when one is so busy or having fun (oh I wish)!

Was unable to make my first weigh in since joining the healthy eating club at work due to major work committments today. We had already "lost" almost 2 hours at a big departmental meeting that had compulsory attendance (our department is being restructured) and as today is the day we run the payroll we had HEAPS to do and little time to do it in! I weighed myself at home and I was the same as last week... so not the best of starts but better than gaining!

Water intake has been excellent - between 2 & 3 litres of water a day during the week. Just gotta work on the weekends now... but getting there slowly. Eating - well definitely not the best but better than it has been so like we all have said - one step at a time and baby steps they will be for me! The fact that the two males in our team have very sweet tooths does not help matter at times - yes I know I have to learn to be able to say no but at times when things are so busy and stressful it is easier said than done! Haven't got far with Helena's book due to time and lack of energy to read but I really want to get into it and learn so much more about the this way of eating as what I have read (and learnt from Helena) so far makes so much sense to me! :) Exercise - 2x15min walks each day which we all know is better than nothing at all but I do have to work on that. I do try to get at least one long walk in at the weekends with either a friend or just me and Rachel :)

Speaking of Rachel - she is 6mths old tomorrow! Wow where have the last 6mths gone??? She has even rolled twice now by pulling herself on her activity gym so thats quite exciting in our house :) She is loving her solids now - has 1/2 jar (or the equalivant if she is having home mixed veggies) each night. And has 1/3 jar of fruit each morning! At times, she is refusing her morning bottle, but it is more than happy to take it once she is at day care so is obviously not hungry first thing in the morning. It used to stress me out and we would both end up tears but now I just leave it knowing that she will take it when she is ready. Oh I am still always offering her the bottle first so its not that she is full from solids. She has another cold but is very happy during the day - it only seems to be at night that it disturbs her with a bit of coughing.

Anyway, its now 9.40pm and I gotta get my lunch ready for tomorrow.... catch ya all later :)

Hi all

Just thought I would do a quick post to say "hi" to you all :) All plodding on here and taking things day by day.

Joined the Healthy Eating group at work and my weight was more or less what I expected which is scary as it is about the same as I was when I was full term with Rachel!!! So my starting weight on Tuesday was 105.7 kilos!!! First time I have weighed myself with clothes on and after eating for a loooong time. Will update my sidebar over the weekend if I get the chance. Drinking heaps of water (approx 2.5 litres) every day (and peeing heaps too) but still having trouble with the food but am getting there slowly. Have recently discovered Salt & Vinegar rice crackers.... YUM YUM So much better than S & V chippies too!

Rachel has had a bit of a cold but seems to be quite a bit better than she was at the beginning of the week. We collected her exersaucer yesterday and she just loves it! Have got some great photos of it - will try to post one now if I can. Her latest new "trick" is eating her feet! Everytime she is on her back her feet are in her mouth! Still not rolling but still trying every day so it will happen one day.





Right its almost 10pm now and this has taken me longer than I had anticpated as I have been talking to my niece in Ireland on MSN while doing this. Am looking forward to the weekend as my brother from Christchurch is coming up for the weekend. Catch ya all later xx

Just for Chris and CM (and anyone else) who don't know what an exersaucer is (see earlier post from today). Here are a couple of pics and the blurb taken from the auction. Only just heard back from the seller tonight so will be collecting it on Wednesday since we have the day off (ANZAC day).





This exersaucer is in excellent condition and has the following features:

6 activities to keep baby amused.
Height adjustable to 3 levels.
Seat can be either fixed or swivelling.
Stabilising legs which can be tucked under to allow baby to rock back and forth.
Removable seat cover for easy washing.

Can be used for babies from about 5 months and up to at least 12 months.


Though from what I know about them - most kids get frustrated with them once they are on the move (which I guess is understandable) but I think it will be a wee while before Rachel really starts moving!

Right off to bed now... everything is ready for another week! :)

Hi ya

I know I said in my last post that I had heaps I wanted to say but do you think I can remember what it was.... NOPE! LOL Oh well never mind - I am sure it will come back to me at some stage.

In regards to the blogger awards that are doing the rounds at the moment - it seems like everyone has already been nominated and I just can't choose my favorite 5 as I would feel bad for leaving someone off the list as you ALL rock and you ALL motivate me in one way or another and you are ALL my friends! So I nominate you ALL!!! Each and everyone of you! Yeah I know that's cheating but hey that's life :)

I had a lovely catch up with the Antenatal ladies and bubs yesterday at Mayfair cafe in Upper Hutt. It was a bit of a squeeze with the buggies/capsules but we made it and it was fantastic! Unfortunately 2 of them were unable to make it due to other commitments but the 6 of us that were there have decided that a weekend catch up every month or so is a fantastic idea especially for us working mums (4 of us are working already). So the next catch up is going to be a dinner out for mummies only! Yay it means going out with a handbag rather than a nappy bag/pram/baby etc etc... It will be a late dinner unfortunately (I don't like eating late) due to some of the babes being breastfed but thats cool :) I can't wait so have sent out an email with two suggestive dates and venues so will wait to hear back from the other wonderful ladies!

Then after lunch and Rachel had had a nap, I put her in the buggy and walked down to Rachel's place. It was great catching up with her and the boys. Adam loved talking and playing with little Rachel - it was so sweet to watch. Unfortunately, she started getting grumpy and tired pretty quickly, so it was back in the pram and she was fast asleep by the time we got to the end of the street!

Rachel has been rather grumpy today so I think we will be staying at home today. She is also getting the beginning of another cold! BUGGER! Has got the snuffles and also a cough! At this stage, she is generally ok when she is up but will see how she is later on and in the morning... I think her teeth are also playing up - they must be moving around in the gums quite a bit so am using the good ole trusty bonjela as well as Welda teething powder and then pamol occasionally as well.

We have bought Rachel an exersaucer off TradeMe this morning (using the lovely "buy now" button) so am just waiting to hear back from them as I am really hoping that we can go and collect it this afternoon (from Tawa). It is a fairly basic one but that's fine as it only cost $60 and I am sure we will get our money back on TM once she has finished in it! I am using TM a bit these days for some winter clothes and shoes/slippers for Rachel.

Oh I had Friday off work in the end after a very rough night with Rachel on Thursday so after only having approx 3hrs sleep and a thumping headache, I decided that the best place for me was bed... so took Rachel to Daycare and came back home to bed! It was bliss sleeping for another couple of hours or so and then having a loooong shower without having to rush!!! LOL But it did feel rather strange being at home without Rachel!

Anyway, best I get moving and do some stuff while Rachel is sleeping and she doesn't tend to sleep long during the day these days.

Catch ya all later :)

Hi all

Just thought I would do a quick post from work since I seem to be running out of time (and/or energy) in the evenings these days.

All going ok - have had a relatively good week foodwise and water wise so am feeling rather good about things. Found out today that my work have got a "Healthy Eating" group running (started last week) as there is a lady in one of the teams who used to be a WW leader (for 10 years) so she is giving up one lunch hr a week to chat to those of us who need support/motivation/a kick up the butt or just a friend to chat to. There are 12 ladies in the group (though it is open to the guys as well) and I will be joining up next week when they meet on Tuesday. They have purchased scales and it costs just $2 session which is then given to Julie (the "leader") for giving up her time. Like I have said before, I know what I should and shouldn't be eating and I know that I need to exercise - I just need a bit more encouragement and by joining up this group I will hopefully get that encouragment. I have had a couple of encouraging comments lately from people around the office asking me how much weight I have lost recently... to which the answer is NONE! But I think it is because I am starting to present myself a bit better now and am wearing my good work trousers and boots! It is amazing how much better you feel and how you carry yourself when you are feeling good on the inside!

I know I wouldn't have come this far without you wonderful ladies but sometimes I feel I need to have that real life weigh in in front of others to really help me along. So stay tuned and hopefully I will soon start loosing some of this excess weight that I haven't been able to shift since Rachel's arrival!

Speaking of Rachel - she has taken to waking early in the morning (between 4-5am) and lays in her cot and talks non stop for about an hour before grizzling and if I am lucky she may fall back to sleep for a while but more often than not she is wanting to get up then! So I have had some early starts this week and it is now starting to take its toll on me!

I have organised an antenatal catch up for this Saturday morning since there are 4 of us (out of 10) that are back at work already and miss out on the fortnightly catch ups during the day. So 5 of us are meeting at a cafe in Upper Hutt with our darling babes for brunch/breakfast/morning tea or whatever people feel like so I am really looking forward to that. And it sounds like the working mums want this to be a regular (monthly) occurance so that will be great if it is - will give us something to look forward to.

Anyway, this is supposed to be a quick update since I am at work - got heaps of other stuff to say but that will have to wait for now - will try to do an update at the weekend. Oh thanks to Lyn for the nomination in the "thinking bloggers" award. That means so much to me and thank you for your kind words. I will do my nominations (although I think all my blogs that I would nominate have already been nominated by others but never mind) over the weekend.

Catch ya all later xx

Hi all

Oooops sorry, didn't realise it had almost been a week since I updated. Though not a lot to say which is why I guess I haven't done an update. Just plodding on and surviving the working week and then spending quality time with Rachel in the evenings and weekends.

Am trying to make my way through Helena's "bible" which she kindly lent me last week and I have done the questionnaire so I know what sort of food I should be eating and which to avoid but just have to finish doing the serious reading before really getting into it all. There are a few things which I am gonna find hard to avoid eating/drinking but am sure I can do this. Am still only weighing myself once a week - bugger speaking of which as I type this sentence I realise that I didn't weigh myself this morning so will try to remember to do it in the morning. Gees never ever thought I would/could do weekly weighing let alone forgetting to weigh! LOL

Rachel is doing well with her night sleeping which is fantastic for us as it means this mummy can usually get about 7-8hrs sleep each night. Sometimes, it is interrupted with Rachel grizzling or talking away to herself but very rarely do I (or Steph) need to get up to her. And we have turns at the weekend at getting up early, I usually do Saturday mornings and Steph does Sundays. Though I rarely do sleep in when Steph is up to her.... it's not that I don't trust him at all, I just call it motherly instinct and hearing "everything" that is going on. But it is great to be able to just lay there and get up about 8.30am rather than 5.45am which I do during the week. Her day sleeping sometimes needs a bit of work but hey as long as she sleeps at night then I am happy :)

Rachel seems to be thriving at Daycare which is great. She is always full of smiles as soon as we get there each morning - smiling and chatting away to the ladies :) She is starting to a lot of texture work etc with Dayna (her care giver) and has also done some hand/finger painting... or something like that as her clothes came home covered in paint one day. I keep meaning to ask them what they had gotten up to that day but Dayna was away sick last week... must try to remember that on Monday.

She is almost rolling and just loves sitting rather than laying... not sitting by herself yet but I would say that isn't too far away for our big girl! Rachel is still enjoying her evening solids - has now tried Pumpkin & Sweetcorn, Parsnip, kumera & Carrot (both Watties brands) and homemade pumpkin, carrot and kumera mixed with a bit of apple or pear. She had her first meal in her highchair this evening - boy she looked so small yet so grown up in it! But boy it was so much easier (and cleaner) to do it in there rather than the bouncer like we have been for the last 3 weeks!

Rachel and I went for a walk for an hour this morning - it was lovely although she didn't sleep for as long as I intentend but hey that's life. We both had a great time. I did contemplate calling into Rachel's place, but as I hadn't showered, hadn't had breakfast and was sweating like a pig, I thought it might be best I just keep walking back home! But I did really enjoy it and really must make an effort to do them more often especially when the weather is so nice. So all going well, we will do another walk in the morning.

Anyway, time for me to get moving, washing machine has finished so best I go hang out the nappies (yes we are still using cloth naps and loving it)!

Catch ya all later xx

A big thank you, thank you, thank you to every one of you who left me a comment or sent me the most touching emails after my last post! You gals all rock and mean so much to me! You have all come up with some brilliant suggestions and ideas... all of which have been read, discussed with Stephan and talked about quite a bit this weekend. The hiring of a treadmill etc to use at home is a fabulous idea but those of you who have been to our house know that there is not a lot of room to spare as it is let alone finding room to put a treadmill but thats not necessarily saying we can't do it but its a matter of space... so its still be talked about. Steph and I have done lots of talking after he read my post so we are doing lots of talking and seeing what we can do to help me get re-motivated and what we can do budget wise so I will keep you all posted but for now it sure is baby steps - one step at a time and I will get there - it may take another couple of years but I will get there!

We have had a great long weekend as I had Thursday off work as well on Annual Leave due to Rachel having Plunket and also a Drs appointment and then we also caught up with two friends who have babies as well. Plunket went well - Rachel is now 7.64 kilos and is 65cm long (only 85 more cm till she is as tall as I am LOL) and her head is measuring 45cm. Plunket nurse was overall very happy with Rachel and is happy with her solids intake. Drs appt went well too - Gillian is also pleased with Rachel overall and we got some antibiotic cream for Rachel's big toes as the nail on both toes are growing funny (apparently babies don't get ingrown toe nails but thats more or less what she has) so we just have to massage the cream in twice a day which Rachel doesn't like but these things need to be done!

Friday was a very social day for us - catching up with my friends Sharlene, Frank and Freda in the morning. Frank hadn't seen Rachel since she was approx 1 week old as everytime we seem to pop in there he is at work! Then after lunch (and a sleep for Rachel) we went and checked out Steph's sister's new house around the corner from us then after home for another sleep, we went down to our friends Lynaire and Kev's place for fish 'n' chips and a good catch up. Rachel was very well behaved considering how much we had been out and about all day.

Saturday - I had my haircut in the morning (although its a wee bit too short for my liking right now) before we headed to Queensgate Shopping Centre and to see the Bank. We left the bank feeling a bit better about our financial situation so hopefully we will be able to get back on our feet... Grabbed Easter Eggs for the nieces/nephews from the Warehouse and did a bit of walking around before grabbing a bite to eat at the Foodcourt. I had the yummiest Shusi for lunch and felt great for making a healthy choice! We ran into Janene and Jorja and their friend Phillipa while there and Rachel really wanted to make an impression on Janene so promptly threw up all over her within seconds of being in her arms! Oooops! I feel so bad about that but I know it was beyond our control. Rachel then had a quiet afternoon at home while I hit the Supermarket for groceries. Quiet evening at home while I made a Peach Cake for dessert for our family meal on Sunday.

Sunday - hit the road early to head up to Mums for Easter Lunch. My sister, her partner and his girls were there also as well as my sisters eldest son who lives around the corner from Mum. It was a great catch up with lunch consisting of roast pork and roast lamb along with a huge variety of veggies. Then dessert was Peach cake, fresh fruit salad and a pavalova. I only had the Peach cake which I must admit was quite delicious! :) After lunch and the dishes had been done, we went for a walk to the beach as it was such a brilliant day! In fact, it was better than the weather we had Christmas time up there! Rachel was so well behaved given all the attention she was getting from her cousins and aunty etc... She slept well in the portacot too which was a relief :)

Today - a quiet day at home though we did do a quick visit to Stephs brothers place this morning to drop the kids easter eggs off. Rachel had a lovely time before just sitting out on the deck with me watching the trees moving gently in the breeze.

I can't believe how much she is growing these days... and the interaction we have with her now is unbelievable and so much fun! We got a 3 generation photo taken yesterday while at Mums but it is NOT a good photo at all so I think I will wait until we get a better one before sharing it with you. She is almost rolling now - gets 1/2 way there and then lays there for a wee while before rolling back... her giggle is so contagious too! She is enjoying her solids for dinner too... have had a couple of days with fruit in the mornings - am playing that one by ear as some days she finishes her bottle so quickly and wants more yet other days she is not interested in anything after her bottle.

Anyway, speaking of her - she has woken from her afternoon nap, so best I get moving... but before I go I will share my current favourite photo of her. Have a good week everyone.

Long Post

Before I start my entry for today, I want to say that I am well aware that I am the only one who can "fix" all the issues that I am going through but right now I don't have the the motivation or energy to do any fixing at all! So for the mean time, I am going to get everything off my chest and out in the open and then work on them one by one… Oh this is probably the most "open" I have been on here for a LONG time so do bear with me as I ramble on...

I am so unhappy with my body at the moment. I know prior to starting my weightloss journey in 2003, I wasn't happy with it but I accepted it and then after losing 42 kilos I was accepting it and starting to be happy with it and proud of who I was and was able to walk tall (or as tall as possible for me) and proud and wear nice clothes and makeup and feel great about myself. But now, I just hate my body and the way it looks! I am so self concious of the way it sags and jiggles and bounces with every movement I make - I don't even like being naked with Steph around! Every morning before I get in the shower, I see myself in the mirror and just want to cry! The scales have crept back up to the 100's!!! NOOOOO!!! But yes unfortunately they have - am now sitting on 101.2 kilos :( Although, I must say that I have been able to change from weighing daily for at least the last 3 years to weighing on a Saturday morning.

Like I said, I know that the only person who can do anything about this is me, myself and I… but before anything happens I have to get me, myself and I motivated to do it! And like we all know, I have to want to do this for ME, not for my family, friends or anyone else but for ME! And I do want to do this for ME but I guess I am feeling lost, confused and lonely at times… Helena came for a visit (while taking Trude for a ride) on Sunday morning and we had a really good talk about her "Bible" and her "New Testament" and after discussing it with Steph afterwards we have decided that I am going to try and get those two books and see if that can help me get back on track with the weight loss. So I have got a search set up on TradeMe but so far neither of the books have been listed… Might have to end up resorting to buying them brand new but in all honestly we can't really afford that but if needs be… then I will! I am also considering looking at reading the Gwyen Roth books that both Kate and Janene mention in their blogs as I do think a lot of my eating is done with/through emotions!

I also know that just changing my eating habits is not going to get rid of the weight, it will help but it won't do the job totally! I also have to exercise! Exercise - what's that??? Okay, I do walk to and from work and the Railway Station each day so that’s 2 x 20 min walks. In the mornings, it is a medium pace as I walk up with one of the other mums from daycare but in the afternoons when I am by myself, I do walk a bit faster to get my heartrate up! I have made enquires about the gym in Heretaunga (YMCA) which has really reasonable weekly fees so am currently thinking about that but my main issue with joining a gym is time! Yes I know I have to make the time for ME but while Rachel is still so young (okay she is 5mths old now) I want to be with her in the evenings as that is the quality precious time I have with her! So I don't want to miss out on that time while being at the gym… and there is no way I can do the mornings as I already get up at 5.45am each day to get myself and Rachel fed, dressed and organised for the day so we can be out of the door by 7.25am. The weekends would be a good time to do the gym but is it worth joining a gym when I only go 2 days a week and then it would be full on exercise for two days in a row and then just the walking for 5 days… doesn't really make sense to me! We also have a gym next door to work (Contours) but once again it is the situation as above… and also I have never heard anyone rave about their experiences at Contours - all I hear is "oh it is ok".

I know my Iron levels are ok but perhaps I do need to look at taking some Vitamin C perhaps to give me some more "boost" in my day as I am really tired of being tired all the time. But then again it comes down to $$$ to be able to buy them. Our financial situation at the moment is very tight and of course that leads to more stress for Steph and I but we are seeing the bank on Saturday (yay the joys of banks being open on Saturdays) and will hopefully get things sorted so we can relax a wee bit more. Things will still be tight but not as bad as they are at the moment…

I do need to find time for ME but right now that's just not an option… If I was at home all day with Rachel, then I wouldn't hesitate in going to the gym in the evenings and leaving her with Steph but as the two hours between me getting home and Rachel going to bed are so precious I don't want to do things in that period. Some people would say that I do get ME time while on the train each morning and evening but in my eyes, that is not quality ME time! That is time for me to prepare myself for work (in the mornings) and then to prepare myself for the evening (in the afternoons). When I talk about ME time, I am talking about time away from Steph, away from Rachel, away from family… doing something that I want to do by myself or with friends!

Anyway, I think I have rambled on enough today - I probably should get back to work though I did start this at 9.30am this morning and have been working on it in between proper work! I have been wanting to say a lot of this for ages but never find the time in the evenings to write this much...


Footnote added @ 9.45pm - A couple of comments have suggested that I do the gym at lunchtime however I forgot to mention in my main post that lunch is really out of the question as I only have 30mins max for lunch due to the fact that I am getting paid for full time hours but only working about 7hrs a day as it is due to the fact that I can't drop Rachel off to Daycare till 7.30am so therefore I don't get to work till about 9am depending on the trains.... and I am still finishing at my "normal/regular" time so feel bad if I take to longer breaks during the day. And I don't want to take advantage of the Departments flexibility that they are offering me.

Wow time sure is flying by.... can't believe it that I last updated on Monday and now here we are on Friday night!

Yay we have survived two weeks in a row at daycare which in turns means mummy and daddy also had two full weeks at their respective jobs! Thats probably why I am so tired! Haven't worked a full two weeks in the office since about September last year!!! Obviously when I was at home with Rachel I was working 24/7 but you know what I am meaning!

Rachel is still having 1 meal a day of solids... did an SOS email to some of you wonderful mummies out there earlier in the week re introducing two solid meals to her and thanks again for your wonderful replies. I did try it one morning and she wasn't really interested so have just stuck to the evening feed for now. Am looking forward to getting some veggies tomorrow to make a batch of veggies for her and then freezing them up for when she is ready.

We had Parent Teacher interviews with Rachel's caregiver on Wednesday night and we discussed our aspirations for Rachel which did seem quite silly but it was a great chance to just chat with her about general day to day stuff.

Her sleeping has been pretty good this week which obviously means that I too have been getting some sleep - still feel pretty tired and run down at times but thats all part of the course of being a full time working mummy!

Just a note to WRAKBW who left a note on a recent post - I certainly know that I am by no means the only working mother but remember this is MY journal and I WILL say what I want to to say and if you don't like it... tough! Don't bother reading it!

This weekend we have Rachel's 5mth jabs on Saturday morning so am not really looking forward to that as it means we will have a very grizzly little girl on our hands Saturday afternoon and could also mean a rough night for us on Saturday. But thats about it for our plans so a nice quiet one hopefully but on saying that there is still housework, washing etc to be done.

Right, time to make tracks - hope you all have a good weekend.

"Firsts"

We have had a weekend of "firsts" here so thats great! Friday evening while Rachel was having some tummy time she FINALLY lifted her head and was looking around and grinning away very pleased with herself (all she has done previous is just lay there), then on Saturday she had her first bounce in her new Jolly Jumper and she just loved it! Though mental note to her mummy - do not put her in it just after a full bottle! LOL Then today Rachel had her first taste of solids! And she loved it and ate almost the whole lot with very little spat out! That was at lunch time and a bit of baby rice with apple and cool boiled water (had no formula made up) and then she had some more just before bath time this evening... so am really hoping she will sleep a lot better tonight as I just don't know how much longer I can go on with her waking two/three times a night! Will keep her on the baby rice for this week and will give it to her once I get home from work and then will try some veggies at the weekend (got some great tips from my friend Jo whose daughter Maddie has recently started on solids).

Thanks to you all for your lovely comments and emails about Rachel's photos - yes she sure is growing very quickly! We got some great photos of her this weekend doing her "firsts" as well as some others so once they are downloaded I will share them with you all.

We have our fingers crossed that we can get through a second consecutive week of daycare as so far she hasn't done 2 full weeks in a row yet due to her cold and then her diarrhea.

Anyway, better get moving, things to do before heading to bed for the night (and hopefully a good nights sleep) and want to give mum a quick call too... hope you all have a great week.

A few photos...

Thanks...

A BIG THANK YOU to you all for your lovely comments, emails and txt's after my last post. I am feeling a bit better now especially since we are all healthy again in our home (touch wood). Still a bit down about a couple of things but will work through those over time...

On Friday, both Steph and I went back to work and my Mum came over from the Kapiti Coast to look after Rachel for us. Sounds like they had a great day together once Rachel settled down and let Mum give her the bottles. And I know Mum throughly enjoyed it!

I had a lovely day yesterday shopping at Queensgate with my friend Jo who was having time out from her daughter Maddie :) It was supposed to be child free time for me too but unfortunately Steph was not very well yesterday (upset tum etc) so ended up taking Rachel with me but that was alright though she did start getting grizzly after an hour or so of shopping. Both Jo and I had fun at Farmers in their sale buying up large for our girls for the coming winter months!

Not much happening here today - though Rachel had a restless night last night stirring/grizzling at 12am, 1am and then woke properly at 3am so gave her a bottle and all she wanted to do was play and "talk" to me! Very frustrating but she eventually took 100mls and fell asleep! But was up again at 6.15am but Steph got up to her then. Have had a nice day at Mums today (as DH was fixing her computer) and came home with 1/2 chicken (dinner for us tomorrow) and 1/2 banana cake! YUM YUM!!!

Rachel is now becoming very vocal and chats and giggles away all the time when she is in her bouncer or on her play mat and in her cot too at times! She is back to daycare tomorrow after having a week off with her diarrhea etc... so back to our routine tomorrow so her bag is packed, nappy bucket is in the car...

Anyway, time for me to head to bed as I have a slight headache and didn't sleep well last night (with Rachels stirring) so am hoping we get a good night tonight. Catch ya all later...

Blah!

Well I think my title today sums up exactly how things are going right now! Rachel is still sick and off day care which in turn has meant either myself or Steph having time off work although today both of us are off as my darling beautiful kind generous daughter has shared her bug with me so Steph is in charge of looking after both of us since it can be quite difficult when in the middle of a nappy change or feed to run to the toilet for my own "needs"! And oh to top things off I also have TOM so with those two combined I really am BLAH!

Steph is currently at the Dr's with Rachel - 3rd visit in 3 days!!! Tuesdays visit was due to my concern about lack of wet naps - result - all ok but had a different Dr who I didn't like at all. Yesterdays visit was due to Rachel having gone almost all day with bugger all fluid intake and just sleeping - result - thorough examination, weighed and advised to go back today for another check (this by our regular Dr). And as I have the bug I didn't trust myself to go in the car in case I needed to go while on the way there or home again! LOL So am now being the anxious mum awaiting for them to get home to see what the Dr has said today. Unfortunately Rachel is still not taking much fluid and her naps today have been progressing back to runny again :( It feels real weird being at home without her around - this is the first time I have been at home without her! I often go out at the weekend for various things and leave her at home with Daddy but Steph has never taken her out and left me behind! LOL

Anyway, at the moment I am feeling like the worlds worst mummy as it is all my fault that Rachel is sick! I am a short, overweight, ugly, useless mummy right now! If Rachel didn't have to go to Day care then I am sure she wouldn't be this sick right now :( Yes she would get sick eventually but not while she is so young and vulnerable! So yeap it is all my fault and I feel so bad for exposing her to all of this! Oh I am not looking for sympathy or anything here - this is just me expressing how I am feeling right now. I am sure once I am feeling better and that Rachel can go more than a week at Day care without catching something then I will be feeling better about everything.

I am doing a lot of comfort eating lately which isn't good for the weight :( And a couple of my denim skirts are now on the verge of not fitting me around the tum :( No one to blame but myself... but am not in the right frame of mind either to think healthy and nutritious thoughts! And as for exercise - whats that? I have even become lazy and started catching the bus from the Railway Station to our new premises in Manners St! So easy to do when the bus stop is literally right outside our doors!

Not a lot planned for this weekend thank goodness - just a trip to Mums for lunch on Sunday so Steph can hopefully fix her computer.

Anyway, best I get moving and hopefully Steph and Rachel will be home soon providing the Dr isn't running to late. Catch ya all later

Hi ya

Didn't realise it had been so long since my last update - boy the time sure does fly being a mummy and working full time!

Well have survived 3 weeks of working and all is going well in fact I am actually enjoying being back at work most of the time. I think it is do with the fact that I'm using my brain (yes I do have one believe it or not LOL) and having adult conversations about other things rather than just babies! Don't get me wrong I LOVE talking about Rachel and hearing about all my friends babies but talking about other things is great as well!

Rachel seems to have settled into Day Care really well - she is always full of smiles when I leave her, then Steph gets huge smiles when he picks her up and then when I walk in the door later on I get the biggest smiles and giggles - just makes my heart melt!!! I just love the 2hrs or so that I have with her when I get home. Our bath time is quality time and then we cuddle up together to talk while I give her the last bottle of the night. Daycare haven't emailed me the pics that they have taken of her as yet so I will write a note in her notebook leaving my work email address and hopefully that will jog their memory. We have our first Parent-Teacher meeting coming up in 3 weeks so that will be lots of fun.

Rachel still has her cough and after going to the Drs on Wednesday evening, we got given some nasal drops to dry up her nose which will in turn stop the mucus running down her throat and making her cough. There does seem to be an improvement so far but as we can only use the drops for 5 days, we need to stop them on Monday... and will then see how she is later in the week and if she is still coughing we will head back to the Drs for the next step which is a very low dose of cough medicine. She sleeps through it most of the time - its only me that wakes up to it! LOL

She is growing so fast these days and I can't believe that I did a shopping spree for her yesterday at Baby Factory for winter and was getting clothes for 6-9mths! They look so big but am sure she will be in them in no time at all! We are on the Baby Factory email list and they sent an email out on Wednesday evening with an exclusive offer for their email customers offering a 25% discount on all clothes (bar underwear, footwear and the All Blacks range) so got Rachel some great pants and tops and a pair of PJ's for winter.

Oh I am reading everyones blogs but just rarely commenting due to time etc... so please be assured that I am still reading them!

Anyway, I probably should get moving as we have our friends Lynaire and Kev coming for a BBQ tea tonight. The chicken is marinating but there are a couple of salads to make and a house to tidy before they arrive...

Sunday night update...
... just as Rachel was getting over her cold, she has come down with Diarrhea for the last 36hrs and I was up to her approx every 90 mins during the night either changing her nappy or feeding her! So am absolutely shattered today... but to make matters worse I took her to the After Hours at lunch time to discover that she also has an inflamed ear drum! Oh she also threw up big time at 10.30pm right through her bedding!!! So I have one very miserable little girl and she has one very tired, aching mummy! We have Gastrolight for her diarrhea and have to try to get 400mls of that into her each 24hr period but only 50/75mld at a time! And then there is the antibiotics for her ear twice a day, pamol for her temp 2/3 times a day, her reflux medicine twice a day and her nasal drops twice a day (last day tomorrow)! Is it any wonder I am getting confused!

Catch ya all later!