Hi all

Just thought I would do a quick post to say "hi" to you all :) All plodding on here and taking things day by day.

Joined the Healthy Eating group at work and my weight was more or less what I expected which is scary as it is about the same as I was when I was full term with Rachel!!! So my starting weight on Tuesday was 105.7 kilos!!! First time I have weighed myself with clothes on and after eating for a loooong time. Will update my sidebar over the weekend if I get the chance. Drinking heaps of water (approx 2.5 litres) every day (and peeing heaps too) but still having trouble with the food but am getting there slowly. Have recently discovered Salt & Vinegar rice crackers.... YUM YUM So much better than S & V chippies too!

Rachel has had a bit of a cold but seems to be quite a bit better than she was at the beginning of the week. We collected her exersaucer yesterday and she just loves it! Have got some great photos of it - will try to post one now if I can. Her latest new "trick" is eating her feet! Everytime she is on her back her feet are in her mouth! Still not rolling but still trying every day so it will happen one day.





Right its almost 10pm now and this has taken me longer than I had anticpated as I have been talking to my niece in Ireland on MSN while doing this. Am looking forward to the weekend as my brother from Christchurch is coming up for the weekend. Catch ya all later xx

Just for Chris and CM (and anyone else) who don't know what an exersaucer is (see earlier post from today). Here are a couple of pics and the blurb taken from the auction. Only just heard back from the seller tonight so will be collecting it on Wednesday since we have the day off (ANZAC day).





This exersaucer is in excellent condition and has the following features:

6 activities to keep baby amused.
Height adjustable to 3 levels.
Seat can be either fixed or swivelling.
Stabilising legs which can be tucked under to allow baby to rock back and forth.
Removable seat cover for easy washing.

Can be used for babies from about 5 months and up to at least 12 months.


Though from what I know about them - most kids get frustrated with them once they are on the move (which I guess is understandable) but I think it will be a wee while before Rachel really starts moving!

Right off to bed now... everything is ready for another week! :)

Hi ya

I know I said in my last post that I had heaps I wanted to say but do you think I can remember what it was.... NOPE! LOL Oh well never mind - I am sure it will come back to me at some stage.

In regards to the blogger awards that are doing the rounds at the moment - it seems like everyone has already been nominated and I just can't choose my favorite 5 as I would feel bad for leaving someone off the list as you ALL rock and you ALL motivate me in one way or another and you are ALL my friends! So I nominate you ALL!!! Each and everyone of you! Yeah I know that's cheating but hey that's life :)

I had a lovely catch up with the Antenatal ladies and bubs yesterday at Mayfair cafe in Upper Hutt. It was a bit of a squeeze with the buggies/capsules but we made it and it was fantastic! Unfortunately 2 of them were unable to make it due to other commitments but the 6 of us that were there have decided that a weekend catch up every month or so is a fantastic idea especially for us working mums (4 of us are working already). So the next catch up is going to be a dinner out for mummies only! Yay it means going out with a handbag rather than a nappy bag/pram/baby etc etc... It will be a late dinner unfortunately (I don't like eating late) due to some of the babes being breastfed but thats cool :) I can't wait so have sent out an email with two suggestive dates and venues so will wait to hear back from the other wonderful ladies!

Then after lunch and Rachel had had a nap, I put her in the buggy and walked down to Rachel's place. It was great catching up with her and the boys. Adam loved talking and playing with little Rachel - it was so sweet to watch. Unfortunately, she started getting grumpy and tired pretty quickly, so it was back in the pram and she was fast asleep by the time we got to the end of the street!

Rachel has been rather grumpy today so I think we will be staying at home today. She is also getting the beginning of another cold! BUGGER! Has got the snuffles and also a cough! At this stage, she is generally ok when she is up but will see how she is later on and in the morning... I think her teeth are also playing up - they must be moving around in the gums quite a bit so am using the good ole trusty bonjela as well as Welda teething powder and then pamol occasionally as well.

We have bought Rachel an exersaucer off TradeMe this morning (using the lovely "buy now" button) so am just waiting to hear back from them as I am really hoping that we can go and collect it this afternoon (from Tawa). It is a fairly basic one but that's fine as it only cost $60 and I am sure we will get our money back on TM once she has finished in it! I am using TM a bit these days for some winter clothes and shoes/slippers for Rachel.

Oh I had Friday off work in the end after a very rough night with Rachel on Thursday so after only having approx 3hrs sleep and a thumping headache, I decided that the best place for me was bed... so took Rachel to Daycare and came back home to bed! It was bliss sleeping for another couple of hours or so and then having a loooong shower without having to rush!!! LOL But it did feel rather strange being at home without Rachel!

Anyway, best I get moving and do some stuff while Rachel is sleeping and she doesn't tend to sleep long during the day these days.

Catch ya all later :)

Hi all

Just thought I would do a quick post from work since I seem to be running out of time (and/or energy) in the evenings these days.

All going ok - have had a relatively good week foodwise and water wise so am feeling rather good about things. Found out today that my work have got a "Healthy Eating" group running (started last week) as there is a lady in one of the teams who used to be a WW leader (for 10 years) so she is giving up one lunch hr a week to chat to those of us who need support/motivation/a kick up the butt or just a friend to chat to. There are 12 ladies in the group (though it is open to the guys as well) and I will be joining up next week when they meet on Tuesday. They have purchased scales and it costs just $2 session which is then given to Julie (the "leader") for giving up her time. Like I have said before, I know what I should and shouldn't be eating and I know that I need to exercise - I just need a bit more encouragement and by joining up this group I will hopefully get that encouragment. I have had a couple of encouraging comments lately from people around the office asking me how much weight I have lost recently... to which the answer is NONE! But I think it is because I am starting to present myself a bit better now and am wearing my good work trousers and boots! It is amazing how much better you feel and how you carry yourself when you are feeling good on the inside!

I know I wouldn't have come this far without you wonderful ladies but sometimes I feel I need to have that real life weigh in in front of others to really help me along. So stay tuned and hopefully I will soon start loosing some of this excess weight that I haven't been able to shift since Rachel's arrival!

Speaking of Rachel - she has taken to waking early in the morning (between 4-5am) and lays in her cot and talks non stop for about an hour before grizzling and if I am lucky she may fall back to sleep for a while but more often than not she is wanting to get up then! So I have had some early starts this week and it is now starting to take its toll on me!

I have organised an antenatal catch up for this Saturday morning since there are 4 of us (out of 10) that are back at work already and miss out on the fortnightly catch ups during the day. So 5 of us are meeting at a cafe in Upper Hutt with our darling babes for brunch/breakfast/morning tea or whatever people feel like so I am really looking forward to that. And it sounds like the working mums want this to be a regular (monthly) occurance so that will be great if it is - will give us something to look forward to.

Anyway, this is supposed to be a quick update since I am at work - got heaps of other stuff to say but that will have to wait for now - will try to do an update at the weekend. Oh thanks to Lyn for the nomination in the "thinking bloggers" award. That means so much to me and thank you for your kind words. I will do my nominations (although I think all my blogs that I would nominate have already been nominated by others but never mind) over the weekend.

Catch ya all later xx

Hi all

Oooops sorry, didn't realise it had almost been a week since I updated. Though not a lot to say which is why I guess I haven't done an update. Just plodding on and surviving the working week and then spending quality time with Rachel in the evenings and weekends.

Am trying to make my way through Helena's "bible" which she kindly lent me last week and I have done the questionnaire so I know what sort of food I should be eating and which to avoid but just have to finish doing the serious reading before really getting into it all. There are a few things which I am gonna find hard to avoid eating/drinking but am sure I can do this. Am still only weighing myself once a week - bugger speaking of which as I type this sentence I realise that I didn't weigh myself this morning so will try to remember to do it in the morning. Gees never ever thought I would/could do weekly weighing let alone forgetting to weigh! LOL

Rachel is doing well with her night sleeping which is fantastic for us as it means this mummy can usually get about 7-8hrs sleep each night. Sometimes, it is interrupted with Rachel grizzling or talking away to herself but very rarely do I (or Steph) need to get up to her. And we have turns at the weekend at getting up early, I usually do Saturday mornings and Steph does Sundays. Though I rarely do sleep in when Steph is up to her.... it's not that I don't trust him at all, I just call it motherly instinct and hearing "everything" that is going on. But it is great to be able to just lay there and get up about 8.30am rather than 5.45am which I do during the week. Her day sleeping sometimes needs a bit of work but hey as long as she sleeps at night then I am happy :)

Rachel seems to be thriving at Daycare which is great. She is always full of smiles as soon as we get there each morning - smiling and chatting away to the ladies :) She is starting to a lot of texture work etc with Dayna (her care giver) and has also done some hand/finger painting... or something like that as her clothes came home covered in paint one day. I keep meaning to ask them what they had gotten up to that day but Dayna was away sick last week... must try to remember that on Monday.

She is almost rolling and just loves sitting rather than laying... not sitting by herself yet but I would say that isn't too far away for our big girl! Rachel is still enjoying her evening solids - has now tried Pumpkin & Sweetcorn, Parsnip, kumera & Carrot (both Watties brands) and homemade pumpkin, carrot and kumera mixed with a bit of apple or pear. She had her first meal in her highchair this evening - boy she looked so small yet so grown up in it! But boy it was so much easier (and cleaner) to do it in there rather than the bouncer like we have been for the last 3 weeks!

Rachel and I went for a walk for an hour this morning - it was lovely although she didn't sleep for as long as I intentend but hey that's life. We both had a great time. I did contemplate calling into Rachel's place, but as I hadn't showered, hadn't had breakfast and was sweating like a pig, I thought it might be best I just keep walking back home! But I did really enjoy it and really must make an effort to do them more often especially when the weather is so nice. So all going well, we will do another walk in the morning.

Anyway, time for me to get moving, washing machine has finished so best I go hang out the nappies (yes we are still using cloth naps and loving it)!

Catch ya all later xx

A big thank you, thank you, thank you to every one of you who left me a comment or sent me the most touching emails after my last post! You gals all rock and mean so much to me! You have all come up with some brilliant suggestions and ideas... all of which have been read, discussed with Stephan and talked about quite a bit this weekend. The hiring of a treadmill etc to use at home is a fabulous idea but those of you who have been to our house know that there is not a lot of room to spare as it is let alone finding room to put a treadmill but thats not necessarily saying we can't do it but its a matter of space... so its still be talked about. Steph and I have done lots of talking after he read my post so we are doing lots of talking and seeing what we can do to help me get re-motivated and what we can do budget wise so I will keep you all posted but for now it sure is baby steps - one step at a time and I will get there - it may take another couple of years but I will get there!

We have had a great long weekend as I had Thursday off work as well on Annual Leave due to Rachel having Plunket and also a Drs appointment and then we also caught up with two friends who have babies as well. Plunket went well - Rachel is now 7.64 kilos and is 65cm long (only 85 more cm till she is as tall as I am LOL) and her head is measuring 45cm. Plunket nurse was overall very happy with Rachel and is happy with her solids intake. Drs appt went well too - Gillian is also pleased with Rachel overall and we got some antibiotic cream for Rachel's big toes as the nail on both toes are growing funny (apparently babies don't get ingrown toe nails but thats more or less what she has) so we just have to massage the cream in twice a day which Rachel doesn't like but these things need to be done!

Friday was a very social day for us - catching up with my friends Sharlene, Frank and Freda in the morning. Frank hadn't seen Rachel since she was approx 1 week old as everytime we seem to pop in there he is at work! Then after lunch (and a sleep for Rachel) we went and checked out Steph's sister's new house around the corner from us then after home for another sleep, we went down to our friends Lynaire and Kev's place for fish 'n' chips and a good catch up. Rachel was very well behaved considering how much we had been out and about all day.

Saturday - I had my haircut in the morning (although its a wee bit too short for my liking right now) before we headed to Queensgate Shopping Centre and to see the Bank. We left the bank feeling a bit better about our financial situation so hopefully we will be able to get back on our feet... Grabbed Easter Eggs for the nieces/nephews from the Warehouse and did a bit of walking around before grabbing a bite to eat at the Foodcourt. I had the yummiest Shusi for lunch and felt great for making a healthy choice! We ran into Janene and Jorja and their friend Phillipa while there and Rachel really wanted to make an impression on Janene so promptly threw up all over her within seconds of being in her arms! Oooops! I feel so bad about that but I know it was beyond our control. Rachel then had a quiet afternoon at home while I hit the Supermarket for groceries. Quiet evening at home while I made a Peach Cake for dessert for our family meal on Sunday.

Sunday - hit the road early to head up to Mums for Easter Lunch. My sister, her partner and his girls were there also as well as my sisters eldest son who lives around the corner from Mum. It was a great catch up with lunch consisting of roast pork and roast lamb along with a huge variety of veggies. Then dessert was Peach cake, fresh fruit salad and a pavalova. I only had the Peach cake which I must admit was quite delicious! :) After lunch and the dishes had been done, we went for a walk to the beach as it was such a brilliant day! In fact, it was better than the weather we had Christmas time up there! Rachel was so well behaved given all the attention she was getting from her cousins and aunty etc... She slept well in the portacot too which was a relief :)

Today - a quiet day at home though we did do a quick visit to Stephs brothers place this morning to drop the kids easter eggs off. Rachel had a lovely time before just sitting out on the deck with me watching the trees moving gently in the breeze.

I can't believe how much she is growing these days... and the interaction we have with her now is unbelievable and so much fun! We got a 3 generation photo taken yesterday while at Mums but it is NOT a good photo at all so I think I will wait until we get a better one before sharing it with you. She is almost rolling now - gets 1/2 way there and then lays there for a wee while before rolling back... her giggle is so contagious too! She is enjoying her solids for dinner too... have had a couple of days with fruit in the mornings - am playing that one by ear as some days she finishes her bottle so quickly and wants more yet other days she is not interested in anything after her bottle.

Anyway, speaking of her - she has woken from her afternoon nap, so best I get moving... but before I go I will share my current favourite photo of her. Have a good week everyone.

Long Post

Before I start my entry for today, I want to say that I am well aware that I am the only one who can "fix" all the issues that I am going through but right now I don't have the the motivation or energy to do any fixing at all! So for the mean time, I am going to get everything off my chest and out in the open and then work on them one by one… Oh this is probably the most "open" I have been on here for a LONG time so do bear with me as I ramble on...

I am so unhappy with my body at the moment. I know prior to starting my weightloss journey in 2003, I wasn't happy with it but I accepted it and then after losing 42 kilos I was accepting it and starting to be happy with it and proud of who I was and was able to walk tall (or as tall as possible for me) and proud and wear nice clothes and makeup and feel great about myself. But now, I just hate my body and the way it looks! I am so self concious of the way it sags and jiggles and bounces with every movement I make - I don't even like being naked with Steph around! Every morning before I get in the shower, I see myself in the mirror and just want to cry! The scales have crept back up to the 100's!!! NOOOOO!!! But yes unfortunately they have - am now sitting on 101.2 kilos :( Although, I must say that I have been able to change from weighing daily for at least the last 3 years to weighing on a Saturday morning.

Like I said, I know that the only person who can do anything about this is me, myself and I… but before anything happens I have to get me, myself and I motivated to do it! And like we all know, I have to want to do this for ME, not for my family, friends or anyone else but for ME! And I do want to do this for ME but I guess I am feeling lost, confused and lonely at times… Helena came for a visit (while taking Trude for a ride) on Sunday morning and we had a really good talk about her "Bible" and her "New Testament" and after discussing it with Steph afterwards we have decided that I am going to try and get those two books and see if that can help me get back on track with the weight loss. So I have got a search set up on TradeMe but so far neither of the books have been listed… Might have to end up resorting to buying them brand new but in all honestly we can't really afford that but if needs be… then I will! I am also considering looking at reading the Gwyen Roth books that both Kate and Janene mention in their blogs as I do think a lot of my eating is done with/through emotions!

I also know that just changing my eating habits is not going to get rid of the weight, it will help but it won't do the job totally! I also have to exercise! Exercise - what's that??? Okay, I do walk to and from work and the Railway Station each day so that’s 2 x 20 min walks. In the mornings, it is a medium pace as I walk up with one of the other mums from daycare but in the afternoons when I am by myself, I do walk a bit faster to get my heartrate up! I have made enquires about the gym in Heretaunga (YMCA) which has really reasonable weekly fees so am currently thinking about that but my main issue with joining a gym is time! Yes I know I have to make the time for ME but while Rachel is still so young (okay she is 5mths old now) I want to be with her in the evenings as that is the quality precious time I have with her! So I don't want to miss out on that time while being at the gym… and there is no way I can do the mornings as I already get up at 5.45am each day to get myself and Rachel fed, dressed and organised for the day so we can be out of the door by 7.25am. The weekends would be a good time to do the gym but is it worth joining a gym when I only go 2 days a week and then it would be full on exercise for two days in a row and then just the walking for 5 days… doesn't really make sense to me! We also have a gym next door to work (Contours) but once again it is the situation as above… and also I have never heard anyone rave about their experiences at Contours - all I hear is "oh it is ok".

I know my Iron levels are ok but perhaps I do need to look at taking some Vitamin C perhaps to give me some more "boost" in my day as I am really tired of being tired all the time. But then again it comes down to $$$ to be able to buy them. Our financial situation at the moment is very tight and of course that leads to more stress for Steph and I but we are seeing the bank on Saturday (yay the joys of banks being open on Saturdays) and will hopefully get things sorted so we can relax a wee bit more. Things will still be tight but not as bad as they are at the moment…

I do need to find time for ME but right now that's just not an option… If I was at home all day with Rachel, then I wouldn't hesitate in going to the gym in the evenings and leaving her with Steph but as the two hours between me getting home and Rachel going to bed are so precious I don't want to do things in that period. Some people would say that I do get ME time while on the train each morning and evening but in my eyes, that is not quality ME time! That is time for me to prepare myself for work (in the mornings) and then to prepare myself for the evening (in the afternoons). When I talk about ME time, I am talking about time away from Steph, away from Rachel, away from family… doing something that I want to do by myself or with friends!

Anyway, I think I have rambled on enough today - I probably should get back to work though I did start this at 9.30am this morning and have been working on it in between proper work! I have been wanting to say a lot of this for ages but never find the time in the evenings to write this much...


Footnote added @ 9.45pm - A couple of comments have suggested that I do the gym at lunchtime however I forgot to mention in my main post that lunch is really out of the question as I only have 30mins max for lunch due to the fact that I am getting paid for full time hours but only working about 7hrs a day as it is due to the fact that I can't drop Rachel off to Daycare till 7.30am so therefore I don't get to work till about 9am depending on the trains.... and I am still finishing at my "normal/regular" time so feel bad if I take to longer breaks during the day. And I don't want to take advantage of the Departments flexibility that they are offering me.